A Main Character

= Wolfgang Schwartzenfartzen =

Personal Info
Full name: Wolfgang Nükenraker Länenkratervötaschenzeröker Schwartzenfartzenpartzenlartzenhartzenvartzenmartzen Sr.

Family: Burgermann Schwartzenfartzenpartzenlartzenhartzenvartzenmartzen (father), Eva Braun (mother, allegedly), Max Brümmer (brother, changed his ID) Wolfgang Nükenraker Länenkratervötaschenzeröker Schwartzenfartzenpartzenlartzenhartzenvartzenmartzen Jr. (son), Märrilen Mönnrau (partner or previous partner, allegedly), Penelelopope Smäcker (sister, married to Wilhelm Smäcker)

Race: Caucasian

Ethnicity: Half German-Swiss Liechtensteiner, half Austro-Bavarian

Languages spoken: English, Dutch, Frisian, Danish, Esperanto, German, the 9000 dialects of German spoken in Liechtenstein, Luxembourgish, Flemish

Age: Unknown, thought to be born in 1953 or 1948.

Height: 199cm / 6'6"

Occupations: Brewer, Bartender, Businessman (he rents Liechtenstein)

Parents
In 1935, a 16-year old Burgermann Schwartzenfartzen (he usually shortened his surname) met a photographer called Eva Braun. Even though she was 23, they kept a close relationship until she was taken away by a German politician. She became suicidal with this politician and after he shot himself in their bunker, she burned almonds and filled the area with them. When people found her, they assumed it smelled like burned almonds because she poisoned herself. She managed to escape and ran away to Switzerland to 'take some of her widow's gold' but whilst at the border she saw Burgermann by a lake. He jumped in and did not come back until Eva started stone-skimming. Burgermann was intrigued and saw her. They decided to move to a castle in Liechtenstein.

Early Life
Some sources say Wolfgang Scwartzenfartzen was born in 1953, but it is said that Burgermann was 29 which would have meant he was born in 1948. He has said himself that he does not know because his parents abandoned him in 1954 to watch the World Cup in Switzerland. They were discovered and were never seen again. Wolfgang continued to live in the castle eating rats and spiders until, around 1960, he discovered two children the same age as him in the cellar. They figured out that they were triplets. Max, the brother, disappeared in 1965 and has not been seen since. Five years after her 'death', Märrilen Mönnrau (who had turned German after the overdose) said it was a nice castle and moved in. In 1968 Wolfgang took a break from being in the castle and took a tour around the Alps, opening many beer breweries along the way. They started to generate a lot of money for him and he added millions onto the 'gold money' his parents left. In 1970 he returned to find nothing but an alive baby and a dead baby. Märrilen had yet again overdosed and had now become Russian. Penelelopope had gone off to marry a rich man named Wilhelm Smäcker (as was written on the walls). He took the alive baby, named it after himself and took a train to Carinthia, but it derailed in Tyrol and he and his son fell out. They were stranded in the Alps until they saw one of the breweries and they decided to live there.

Rule over the Alpine Kingdom
The breweries all decided to unite under Wolfgang to form the Alpine Kingdom. Liechtenstein, however, did not agree to this kingdom but joined when Wolfgang bought the country. He started renting it so the prince could still be a figurehead and privately rented it until 2010 when Liechtenstein announced anyone can rent it but Wolfgang still rents it to this day.

Wolfgang decided to be more isolationist and did not do much in the years 1977-1984 apart from studying different languages. In 1985, Yugoslavia declared war on the Alpine Kingdom because of the Slovenian dispute. This problem had only arose recently, since Wolfgang was friendly with Tito but he died in 1980. Wolfgang did not know this, of course, so when he came back and saw other people were in charge he got angry. The war lasted from 1985 to 1988.

Yugoslav Wars
In 1991, the Yugoslav wars broke out. Slovenia quickly declared independence after the Alpine Kingdom supplied them and Croatia. The Alpine Kingdom still retained control of their provinces of Carniola and Slovenia. In 1993, the Alpine Kingdom pulled out of the war and signed a few treaties in 1999. The population wanted to join NATO but Wolfgang said they must remain neutral.

Recent History
In 2004, Wolfgang's beer business was at an all-time high. This attracted media attention so in 2007 he left media's grasp into the mountains and lived in an isolated castle with a brewery and a road nearby so if he ever wanted, he could leave.

In 2022, after 15 more years of beer success and ruling the Alpine Kingdom, he decided to leave the country to complete a goal he had failed 40 years prior; learn English. He flew to England and there he saw a red mooshroom. It was Mr Oo. He told him of his life story and gave Mr Oo a beer to teach him English. Mr Oo gave him Duolingo. Wolfgang is currently doing a good job at learning English and should be fluent soon.